Snuggle up, discuss films, and save your relationship

Save your relationship – just discuss romantic films

This page is a fun, easy, and effective relationship self-help exercise to bring you and your beloved closer together. You watch five movies and discuss them together – and that’s it. It works. You can help your relationship as easily as that. Give it a go! – click here for instructions lower down on this page.  (And if you enjoy this, please do share it using the links at the bottom.)

It’s based on a great piece of 2014 research from Dr Ron Rogge of the University of Rochester. Couples in the first few years of their marriage  watched five romantic movies together and then discussed them, one a week for five weeks. They halved their divorce rate. Indeed watching movies proved more effective than various kinds of training offered to control groups, including couples conflict management training and acceptance and compassion relationship training. 

Watching movies could save your marriage

This is  impressive. And I love it because it’s not based on clever psychological knowledge handed down from an expert to ordinary mortals. Instead it puts into action a  trust in each person and each couple. You are brilliant, let’s assume the relationship is brilliant too. Here’s Dr Rogge:

Many couples might already have a sense of what they are doing well and what they are doing poorly in their own relationships. Thus, it may be beneficial for couples to simply take some time out of their lives to focus on their relationships and reinvest into those relationships.

I so agree. Very often, what couples and individuals need more than anything is a place of safety and respect to listen to their own inner voice of wisdom.  People come to me expecting to start by talking about what’s wrong, and they’re always surprised when I start by talking about what’s right and what their own wisdom suggests. But, this is what works best.

Please note that Rogge’s research is with couples in the first few years of their relationship who had not turned to a marriage counsellor for help. But his idea is so excellent that it’s to be expected it will have usefulness in a wide range of relationship situations.  I am going to start giving it to couples who come to me for counselling as a homework exercise.

If you’d like to give it a go, it’s fun and easy. Here’s how. (And if you find this interesting, please do share this page using the links at the bottom.)

Instructions for the couples movie exercise

  • Choose a film about relationships from these lists You can choose other films, not on the lists. They should be films which show the dynamics where two people make a sincere day-to-day effort to solve a relationship issue. So pure romcoms, or movies about falling in love, may not be suitable. Hey, watch them anyway, but as well, not instead.
  • Have dates where you watch the film together, then discuss it for around 30 – 45 minutes using  Ron Rogge’s talking points list from his divorce-prevention research.
    You might like to print these out.
  • Repeat with a total of 5 movies. Roughly once a week is good.
  • Have fun!
  • And please do let me know what your experience is via the comments below.

(Click here for all “pop songs with truth” posts   ♦   Click here for all relationship and couples posts   ♦    Click here for  all radical meditation posts)

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