A self-esteem test

C bullet 5 blue swirls on blue aa-img021_crHow much do you like yourself? The Rosenberg self-esteem scale

There are ten statements in this test.
For the ones without a star
(ie 1,3,4, 7,10) score:
● Strongly agree = 3
● Agree = 2
● Disagree = 1
● Strongly disagree = 0
For the ones with a star (*), score:
● Strongly disagree = 3
● Disagree = 2
● Agree = 1
● Strongly agree = 0

The total ranges from 0 to 30. Research shows that most people score between 15 and 25. If your score is less then around 15, then chances are high you suffer from overall low self worth. If 15 – 20, then probably there is some area of your life where you could respect yourself more.

Whatever your score, if you are dissatisfied, why not do something about it? Life can change and you can feel proud of yourself. To find out how I can help you towards that, just give me a ring. Never feel you don’t matter enough to take my time up – I’m happy to answer questions or arrange, in Bristol, a free, no-obligation half-hour initial meeting.
Please click here for contact information.

1. On the whole, I am satisfied with myself.
2. * At times, I think I am no good at all.
3. I feel that I have a number of good qualities.
4. I am able to do things as well as most other people.
5. * I feel I do not have much to be proud of.
6. * I certainly feel useless at times.
7. I feel that I’m a person of worth, at least on an equal plane with others.
8. * I wish I could have more respect for myself.
9. * All in all, I am inclined to feel that I am a failure.
10. I take a positive attitude toward myself.

What causes low self-esteem?

C bullet 6 yellow swirls aa-img021_crThe cause of low self esteem isn’t that you just are no good

It’s horrible to feel no good. If that applies to you, but you’ve got as far as reading this page, then you’ve made a crucial step. You’ve started to realise that there is a reason for that feeling, other than that you actually are no good.Low self-esteem has causes. It results from failure, from direct or implicit criticism, or childhood hurts and conditional love. This can come about as an adult, or be left over from childhood, sometimes from schooling but sadly often from lack of love.

Here are three common scenarios causing low self-esteem. There are many more – everyone is unique.

(1) Conditional love is a kind of criticism

If as a child you were criticised, you grow up discouraged and not believing in yourself. Some parents directly say things like “Why are you so useless?”, but even loving parents can undermine children without either children or parents realising.

For example, there is an age, maybe 2-1/2 to 4, when kids are actively saying “No!” That’s not naughtiness, it’s an essential part of growing up – at that age we are all trying out “doing it MY way.” If parents are too strict, then every time the child tries to “do it MY way”, he or she hears “no, not like that / no, not now / no not here.” Very quickly the child learns “everything I do is wrong – there must be something wrong with me – I must be no good.” Mum has never expressed any direct criticism, has never wanted anything except the very best for her child, but the conditionality of the love leaves the child feeling criticised anyway. This is simplified, but something like this is the commonest reason a person feels worthlessness. Lack of love or conditional love can leave a profound and fragile vulnerability in feeling good about yourself.

Or you might have been:

  • Subjected to unrealistically high standards
  • Only loved when you performed well
  • Constantly in the shadow of a brother or sister
  • Over-protected
  • Nothing bad happened to you, but your mother or father themselves had low self-esteem and you unconsciously picked that up
  • You went to a low-achieving school
  • You changed schools so often you never caught up. I call this “education trauma” – variations on it are surprisingly common.
  • … or, in a thousand and one ways, received only conditional love.

But the good news is that the loveable, worthy, valuable “who you are” which was ignored, un-loved or un-affirmed as a child is still totally present inside you as an adult. These qualities are never destroyed, only mislaid of buried. Life-dynamic counselling, hypno-psychotherapy and the other tools I use can be distinctively effective in re-connecting you with your inner treasures, with the feeling that “I CAN,” with the feeling that “I AM OK,” that “I AM LOVEABLE” and “I KNOW HOW.”

(2) Setbacks in adult life

Major life events  – redundancy, criticism, breakup, bereavement, a toxic relationship – obviously can have a major impact on us all. If some major part of our lives falls away there can be all sorts of emotional consequences. There’s one particular variation which is surprisingly common, which I term “first big failure syndrome” and mainly affects people aged 25 – 35. Someone can be confidently flying through life, and then some kind of mishap or failure takes the wind out of their sails. Though in fact manageable, still this is the first reverse they’ve ever had, they aren’t used to it, and they feel terrible. Their self-belief collapses. Paradoxically this happens most to people with the highest self-esteem – they’ve just never failed before.

This can be one of the easiest situations to remedy. Quite often all I have to do is to re-connect the person with their previous successes and use hypnosis to kindle the spark of those memories into a flame of confidence. Indeed there are occasions this is so rapid and complete that it is almost as if hypnosis is a kind of “reset button” for the human mind – push the button and a short while later, the problems are forgotten

(3) Abusive relationships

Abusive relationships are another serious situation which creates (sometimes crucifyingly) low self-confidence in adults. Sometimes a person  is criticised, undermined and dominated by their partner, to the point where the person loses all sense of themselves and their self-worth. It can take years to recover from such a toxic relationship. While it’s more often men who are physically abusive to women, I’ve know women to be extremely psychologically abusive to a man.

In fact this situation does not originate in adult life, but rather rests on a foundation of childhood low self-esteem. This caused the victim to choose such a partner in the first place, and to need to remain with him. Unconscious feelings may include “I’m so useless and no good I’ll never get anyone else to love me if I leave this this person.” Underneath that is often a hidden complex dynamic where one part of the person passionately loves the partner because he or she is just like dad or mum was – abusive. It can be painful to disentangle the love from the hurt.

Life can change and you can feel proud of yourself. To find out how I can help you towards that, just give me a ring. Never feel you don’t matter enough to take my time up – I’m happy to answer questions or arrange, in Bristol, a free, no-obligation half-hour initial meeting. My approach is friendly, respectful, and very effective. Andrew White 0845-3510604 / 0117-955-0490

Low self-confidence and poor self-esteem

A bullets 2 orange rings aa-img028_crHypnosis and psychotherapy for low self-esteem in Bristol

We live in a strange world. Many people function brilliantly as nurses, surgeons, plumbers, artists, mothers, fathers, teachers. Yet they lack self-confidence. In a secret place inside they feel terrible about themselves; weak, unattractive, vulnerable. They fear their achievements are fraudulent. Even with people they love, they hide their innermost selves out of crushing shame, a feeling that “if you only knew me, you could never, ever love me.”

If you are reading this page I assume you’ve made the first, key step. It’s one that so many people with low self-esteem never make. You’ve realised “It doesn’t have to be like this.” Indeed it does not. You can gain, or re-gain, your self-confidence and self-esteem. My combination of hypnosis, solution-oriented psychotherapy and other therapies has helped very many people to do so.

There are numerous websites offering hypnotherapy for low self-confidence in Bristol. Therapy research proves that a key factor is the relationship you have with the therapist. So you are very welcome to meet me, in Bristol, for a free half-hour initial meeting.

I want to advertise honestly and to offer “hope without hype.” Every week I see people making life-changing breakthroughs from longstanding low self-confidence after a handful of counselling sessions. And, other people take longer. A seed doesn’t take long to germinate,. But then each seed flowers in its own time. Some forms of counselling or are indeed more effective than others.  But no therapy can change the basic fact that some things happen quickly, some things take time.

But it is possible to step into self-esteem because deep inside you, that capable, attractive, confident you is there already. Nothing in us is ever destroyed by criticism, failure or lack of love either as children or as adults. It is only buried. I am skillful and intuitive in helping people to find that lost or forgotten feeling of “I’m great” or “I can do it” or “I’m lovable even if I…”

Don’t worry if it feels impossible for you to reverse low self-worth and feel self-confident. Of course it feels impossible – that’s exactly what I help you with.

I use four main treatment methods. Solution-oriented therapy, hypnosis, meditative awareness (“mindfuless”) and a wide variety of emotional healing therapies. They are described in the links in my Consumer Guide to Types of Psychotherapy.

Life can change and you can gain, or re-gain, your self-confidence and self-esteem. To make an appointment in Bristol for hypnotherapy and other treatments for self-confidence, or find out how I can help you, just give me a ring.  I’m happy to answer questions or arrange, in Bristol only, a free, no-obligation half-hour initial meeting. My combination of hypnosis and psychotherapy is warm, human, respectful, and very effective. Andrew White 0845-3510604 / 0117-955-0490.

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