Five poetic stages of healing, couples version
There’s a famous poem called Autobiography in Five Short Chapters by Portia Nelson. It describes the meditative stages from unconscious patterns to self-understanding. This is my couples version. For each stanza first there is the original version, then my relationship one. I make zero claim to be in any way poetic!
Life In Five Stages, couples version
I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in. I am lost. I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
You’re overwhelmed by pain, rage or shut-down.
You think it is justified and inevitable because of how the other person acts.
You can’t see any other way of getting what you need (if you even know what you need.)
You come back to yourself eventually but only from the passage of time.
II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I still don’t see it. I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
It isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
You’re overwhelmed by pain, rage or shut-down.
You think it is justified and inevitable because of how the other person acts.
But you can begin to come back to yourself, even though it takes time and effort.
You can begin to recognise your response is re-enacting your past hurts over and over.
III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it there, I still fall in.
It’s habit. It’s my fault. I know where I am.
I get out immediately.
You’re overwhelmed by pain, rage or shut-down.
You realise your reaction belongs to you.
You realise you need to understand the other person’s needs.
You recognise your own underlying needs and you can ask for those needs differently.
You more and more meet each other in this bright fresh moment here and now, without slipping into past hurts.
IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
You can talk about things directly with understanding and love and respect for differences.
V
I walk down a different street.
Within you and between you there is a shared lightness of spirit around it all. Your hearts are open.
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. ”
– Albert Einstein