Individual and couples therapy in Bristol
The job of therapy is to restore our trust in our inner treasures. Through hurt and trauma in childhood and adulthood we lose trust in our inner voice, our innate intelligence, our intrinsic value. But we only lose the connection with these qualities. We never lose the qualities themselves. Somewhere inside us our strength, our beauty, our power to act, our trust that we are valuable and lovable, remain alive. The job of therapy is to help people re-connect with the wellspring of these inner treasures. And so, to begin to live more authentically, more fully, and more self-lovingly.
How?
Therapy based on simply talking and talking does not work, whether couples therapy or individual. It it equally doesn’t work to endlessly hash out the pain of the past over and over again. Add further while genuine meditation is a pillar of therapy, corporate McMindfulness has little value.
To invite real change, deeper approaches are needed. In the 1970’s I was fortunate to have been in the early days of the “consciousness revolution”. As a result, over a period of 40 years I’ve met some remarkable therapists and healers and I’ve experienced a wide range of methods. Some of those have shown me what doesn’t work, others have led to profound shifts in my own life. I’ve integrated that through 15,000 hours or so of my therapy practice. This accumulated experience is what I offer today.
And my secret method of psychotherapy is …
My secret method is: I really, really believe the best in people.
That’s it.
I have a trust that the wellsprings of love and strength, of action and of acceptance, are present in everyone. They don’t fundamentally need to be created; they basically need to be recognised, affirmed, and believed in.
Shame, worthlessness, fear of opening to life, protection of vulnerability, feeling inadequate; these painful feelings are powerful. From the viewpoint of meditation, they are however bad dreams. Powerful and compelling bad dreams; but not realities. Behind those bad dreams our essence qualities remains intact.
Intact, yes, but commonly our buried essence qualities are also very scared of attack or scorn, very vulnerable to rejection or compulsion, very afraid they will be unlovable. Therapy has to meet these traumatised parts gently, invitingly, softly. These parts of ourselves need above all to feel safe to come back to life after trauma.
What therapy cannot and should not promise
Human realities apply to any kind of psychotherapy or healing. In any given moment of life one person may be in a position to make a big step. They can drop a lot their baggage, turn a big corner, maybe never look back. Someone else can make only a small step. Very heavy life events, for example, can obviously cause healing to take time. So no therapist can ever promise any kind of progress to any person. Such expectations are dangerous, unreal and harmful.
… and what therapy should not underestimate
Whatever size the step, large or small, which is possible in your life in this moment, the best psychotherapeutic foundation is one of self love and self belief; a gentle and safe invitation to parts which may be traumatised to begin to again live and express themselves. And there needs to be practical actions in everyday life today, tomorrow and next month. Individual therapy should never underestimate the power within individual to reach towards light from darkness.
Couples therapy is different in that some relationships end naturally and it’s right that they do. It is still true however that the power of love to heal conflict should never be underestimated.
You’re welcome to meet me first
There are many websites in Bristol offering relationship counselling and psychotherapy. How to choose? What is the right one? Research shows a main factor in whether therapy works is very simply getting on well with the therapist. So you are welcome to meet me for a free half-hour initial meeting. There is no obligation of any kind.
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Help! do I need counselling, psychotherapy, hypnotherapy or CBT? - Deciding what therapy you need is bewildering, with dozens of types of therapy, contradictory claims, and maybe no-one to ask for advice. Here is a helpful guide.
“I talked and talked, but nothing changed” - These are typical comments about hypnosis, counselling and psychotherapy from those of my clients who have had previous experience with other types of therapy.
A consumer’s guide to types of psychotherapy - Here's an overview of a good many of commonly known types of therapy, evaluated in the light of my own experience of what works and what supports love, life, laughter and learning.
