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Meditation and mindfulness in therapy

I can’t imagine therapy separate from meditation. They are intertwined. Many aspects of therapy are guided meditation.

Not all therapists will readily agree, probably because in the Western understanding,  meditation is often confused with concentration, eg Wikipedia:

“Meditation describes a state of concentrated attention on some object of thought or awareness.”

That’s false or very limited. Meditation is better described as an understanding. There’s you – your consciousness, your awareness, your spirit – and there’s your experiences: your thoughts, emotions, sensations. People in pain turn away from their experiences. But that makes things worse, not better. Meditation is the understanding that when you turn towards your experiences and allow yourself to experience them, and view them with gentle, neutral, accepting awareness, they become separate from you and they float away. And behind them is peace, joy, profound tranquility. This is the fundamental truth of all life healing.

What’s more, when you have some distance from your experiences, you gain the power to choose whether to act on them. For example, when you “feel the fear and do it anyway”, that is part of the spirit of meditation.You feel the fear, but something in you – your soul, your spirit, I’d just call it your conscious awareness – is larger than the experience. You make a conscious choice to act in a different way.

When you live in the here and now, that too is meditation. Our minds provide and endless stream of thoughts of other times and other places. Mostly, we live in fantasy not reality. But that is so universally true – every person is doing it all the time – it’s accepted as normal. But the body is always here and now and so life is always rooted here and now. So the simple act of coming present to the experiences of the moment – your breathing, you feet on the ground – pulls you out of the fantasy world of the mind. Many times, problems and fears  come from the past or the future and are tape loops in your mind, not realities of the world in this present moment. And so by coming into the present, they lose their power over you.

This latter understanding, packaged into a system, is what is termed “mindfulness”. It contains aspects of understanding that apply much more widely to other kinds of meditation. These are wrapped together with some specific meditation techniques. It’s a very useful tool and it’s excellent that it is becoming mainstream. (See for example Madeline Bunting’s enthusiastic recent article about it in The Guardian. )

Mindfulness won’t work for everyone, nor will it cure everything. Thoughts aren’t only the little ripples in the mind which you can calm by sitting for half and hour. “Thoughts” include life-wide emotions and behaviour patterns. So when over a period of weeks or even years, you become aware that you are unconsciously living out a behaviour pattern, and slowly gain awareness until the point where you can choose not to act like that any more, that’s absolutely the spirit of meditation. It’s a matter of having a gentleness with yourself and your experiences. When you run away from your experiences, you run forever. When you meet your experiences with a gentle, self-respectful, self-forgiving self awareness, the floodgates of change and transformation open.

From this viewpoint, meditation is not a specific calming technique, thought that is often handy as an adjunct to therapy. Rather, much of all therapy can be seen as assisted meditation. Some therapies indeed, for example focusing, are directly meditation techniques.

From this viewpoint, the difference between meditation and therapy is that you only go to a therapist when you are unhappy. But the Eastern wisdom is to carry on and on with the journey of meditation, allowing not just painful thoughts, but happy one too to float in and out of the mind, on an ultimate voyage of discovery of “Who am I beyond all thoughts and emotions? Who is the one who feels happy?”

The other difference is that meditation is a self-help method. Many of my clients, if they understood and practised meditation in this extended sense, would not need to come to see me.

“Working with Andrew was an incredibly deep, profound and life changing experience. I went to Andrew thinking I needed to be cured of loving the love of my life – thankfully this didn’t happen. I cannot thank or recommend Andrew highly enough – the changes that can occur when working with Andrew truly are magic! ”

Ali Lees, Google review

“We started seeing Andrew during a very difficult time, and without his help we would have split up. We both found Andrew’s sessions really helpful and it gave us the insight and tools to iron out the issues that were causing the most problems. Things between us are now really good and we are once again planning a future together.”

Couple who wish anonymity

“Andrew is one of the best therapists I have ever worked with. If you want to make a breakthrough with an issue in your life or relationship, I highly recommend him.”

Jenny, Massage therapist, Bristol

“I’ve had many therapists over the years, and Andrew has been the most significant to date. He helped me see my life more clearly, he lifted a vale of confusion. I will forever be grateful to Andrew, and have recommended him to multiple people since working together. ”

Holly Smith, Google review

“I have made some incredible progress and I am now in an intimate and happy relationship thanks to your help.”

Client who requests anonymity.

“Andrew is one of the best therapists I have ever worked with. He really listens. I feel deeply heard and understood in his sessions and have the space to discover ‘the answers’ for myself. The questions he asks and the comments he does offer are well thought-out and illuminating. I feel he is really there for me and I always experience a big shift in my understanding afterwards. If you want to make a breakthrough with an issue in your life or simply want to be heard, I highly recommend him. Jenny, massage therapist, Bristol. ”

Jenny, massage therapist, Bristol.

“[Couples clients] Cannot recommend Andrew enough. The most attentive, insightful, astute & compassionate therapist. The difference in our relationship – how we communicate, how we understand & relate to one another, how we’re able to support one another – is absolutely massive, & yet it feels like we’ve only had to make tiny tweaks to get there. Andrew is incredible at facilitating a safe, supportive place, making it surprisingly easy to be truly open & honest & to therefore get the most out of the sessions. Thank you for everything, this therapy has been life changing. ”

Naomi Kent, Google review

“I am finally comfortable with myself and at peace with past experiences. I highly recommend Andrew. He is a true soul healer. ”

Mal Szwarc, Google review

“… I had experienced a lot of trauma in my childhood that I had not been able to fully deal with my whole adult life. I had 10 sessions with Andrew and now I am no longer triggered as I had always been by certain situations and interactions. I can love myself finally and this has completely changed my romantic relationships and my career! So many of my friends want to see Andrew now after seeing this dramatic, positive change within me! ”

Kay Dent, Google review

“ Andrew is an amazing human being! We had a few very useful sessions. He is totally and genuinely committed to helping people. … Thank you Andrew! ”

Pedro Da Silva, Google review

“Andrew is a highly experienced therapist who works with a number of different techniques, some unusual and unexpected (but in a good way!) that get to the heart of your issues quickly. He works gently and safely and I felt held in a safe space throughout the session. I would recommend Andrew to anyone looking for help in dealing with life’s questions. ”

Client who requests anonymity.

“Had a massive effect on my relationship. Learned loads of really good stuff – surpassed my expectations. [Andrew was] brilliant – a complete star! Emma C ♥♥♥ A very good course. It has changed how I relate. Helen D ♥♥♥ [Andrew had some] … profound insights into relationships … explained clearly. Natasha M ♥♥♥ Met needs I didn’t know I had! I loved the fast-track approach to raising self-esteem … [I had] “eureka” and “lights being switched on” moments. Fiona M. ♥♥♥ Very profound, enriching unravelling of the complexities of relationships. Really enlightening exercises. [Name withheld] ”

Feedback from the last relationship workshop I ran in Bristol.

“When we are no longer able to change a situation … we are challenged to change ourselves.”

– Austrian psychoanalyst Victor Frankl , speaking of how he survived four concentration camps in WWII