Buzzfeed, you’ve got it wrong. Most therapy is not like that.

Buzzfeed, you’ve got it wrong. Therapy is not like that.

Buzzfeed had a couple of jokey articles for Mental Health Week, including
19 Questions You’ve Definitely Wanted To Ask Your Therapist and 27 Things Everyone Who Has Gone To Therapy Will Understand. They are funny enough that I thought I’d answer some of the questions. [Also: Buzzfeed, I don’t listen to people’s problems.] A whole lot of the article is just wrong, wrong, wrong about what therapy nowadays involves.  Buzzfeed, it’s not like that.

Click here for all “pop songs with truth” posts   ♦   Click here for all relationship and couples posts   ♦    Click here for  all radical meditation posts (more…)

What my clients say

You are really, really a very kind person. Thank you for your effort and advice in helping me!

I was never convinced counselling would work. But your approach and your ability to use different methods to suit individual needs has truly changed me on a deep level.

The very first session I had with him was so helpful and powerful that I recommended him to two other people straightaway.

Andrew works gently and safely and I felt held in a safe space throughout the session.

I have made some major breakthroughs in sessions with you.

I was blown away by your insightful and transformative approach.

A different approach from other therapists I have seen before, so that I have finally solved my problem.

More happened in the first session I had with you than in 4 or 5 sessions with a counsellor.

[Your hypnosis] was remarkably effective and entirely different and tailor-made for my individual needs and experiences. Thank you!!!

Although counselling was new territory for me, it was invaluable and worth every penny.

Had a massive effect on my relationship. Learned loads of really good stuff – surpassed my expectations.

Andrew is one of the best therapists I have ever worked with. If you want to make a breakthrough with an issue in your life or relationship, I highly recommend…

I have made some incredible progress and I am now in an intimate and happy relationship thanks to your help.

“How do you handle listening to people’s problems all day?” – therapist questions from Buzzfeed

“How do you handle listening to people’s problems all day?” – questions to your therapist from Buzzfeed. Answer: I don’t!

Buzzfeed.co.uk had a page about therapy for Mental Health week,  “19 Questions You’ve Definitely Wanted To Ask Your Therapist.” Silly yes, but they have enough sense, I thought I’d answer a few. (Also: Buzzfeed, you are so wrong about therapy.)

Question #17 is “How do you handle listening to people’s problems all day?” And the answer is … I just don’t do it!  Listening to problems is draining.  Pain, however, is different. Meeting authentic pain is inspiring. Indeed it is an honour. Let me explain the difference.

Click here for all “pop songs with truth” posts   ♦   Click here for all relationship and couples posts   ♦    Click here for  all radical meditation posts (more…)

What my clients say

You are really, really a very kind person. Thank you for your effort and advice in helping me!

I was never convinced counselling would work. But your approach and your ability to use different methods to suit individual needs has truly changed me on a deep level.

The very first session I had with him was so helpful and powerful that I recommended him to two other people straightaway.

Andrew works gently and safely and I felt held in a safe space throughout the session.

I have made some major breakthroughs in sessions with you.

I was blown away by your insightful and transformative approach.

A different approach from other therapists I have seen before, so that I have finally solved my problem.

More happened in the first session I had with you than in 4 or 5 sessions with a counsellor.

[Your hypnosis] was remarkably effective and entirely different and tailor-made for my individual needs and experiences. Thank you!!!

Although counselling was new territory for me, it was invaluable and worth every penny.

Had a massive effect on my relationship. Learned loads of really good stuff – surpassed my expectations.

Andrew is one of the best therapists I have ever worked with. If you want to make a breakthrough with an issue in your life or relationship, I highly recommend…

I have made some incredible progress and I am now in an intimate and happy relationship thanks to your help.

Factual, realistic, pragmatic: Inside Out is the simple truth

Factual, realistic, pragmatic: Inside Out is the simple truth

If you want a Hollywood film with true emotional depth; which expresses universals of the human heart; a film that tells life like it is: the Pixar animation, Inside Out does the job. (Trailers)

It’s had all sorts of glowing reviews, no need for more here. What I want to say is that this isn’t any type of metaphor for the human mind. This is actually how it is. There actually are sub-personalities in relationship with each other, inside our heads. This film is real, real, real.

Click here for all “pop songs with truth” posts   ♦   Click here for all relationship and couples posts   ♦    Click here for  all radical meditation posts (more…)

What my clients say

You are really, really a very kind person. Thank you for your effort and advice in helping me!

I was never convinced counselling would work. But your approach and your ability to use different methods to suit individual needs has truly changed me on a deep level.

The very first session I had with him was so helpful and powerful that I recommended him to two other people straightaway.

Andrew works gently and safely and I felt held in a safe space throughout the session.

I have made some major breakthroughs in sessions with you.

I was blown away by your insightful and transformative approach.

A different approach from other therapists I have seen before, so that I have finally solved my problem.

More happened in the first session I had with you than in 4 or 5 sessions with a counsellor.

[Your hypnosis] was remarkably effective and entirely different and tailor-made for my individual needs and experiences. Thank you!!!

Although counselling was new territory for me, it was invaluable and worth every penny.

Had a massive effect on my relationship. Learned loads of really good stuff – surpassed my expectations.

Andrew is one of the best therapists I have ever worked with. If you want to make a breakthrough with an issue in your life or relationship, I highly recommend…

I have made some incredible progress and I am now in an intimate and happy relationship thanks to your help.

Fighting is not compulsory – first aid for couples conflicts

Fighting is not compulsory – first aid for couples conflicts

Do you have painful repeating habitual fights in your relationship? Do you have eruptions you can’t control, walk-outs that scare you to death, or repeating fights about the same things over and over and over … and over and over? In an earlier post I wrote about the importance of If It Doesn’t Work, Do Something DIFFERENT. This present post is a few all-purpose first-aid measures you can do to interrupt those stale, dead, painful repeating cycles.  Then you can make room for listening, understanding, intimate closeness. Many of the couples tell me  they find these rather enlightening: Oh! We don’t have to fight!

You can do any one of these on its own, or two, or three, or all four, whatever works. (more…)

What my clients say

You are really, really a very kind person. Thank you for your effort and advice in helping me!

I was never convinced counselling would work. But your approach and your ability to use different methods to suit individual needs has truly changed me on a deep level.

The very first session I had with him was so helpful and powerful that I recommended him to two other people straightaway.

Andrew works gently and safely and I felt held in a safe space throughout the session.

I have made some major breakthroughs in sessions with you.

I was blown away by your insightful and transformative approach.

A different approach from other therapists I have seen before, so that I have finally solved my problem.

More happened in the first session I had with you than in 4 or 5 sessions with a counsellor.

[Your hypnosis] was remarkably effective and entirely different and tailor-made for my individual needs and experiences. Thank you!!!

Although counselling was new territory for me, it was invaluable and worth every penny.

Had a massive effect on my relationship. Learned loads of really good stuff – surpassed my expectations.

Andrew is one of the best therapists I have ever worked with. If you want to make a breakthrough with an issue in your life or relationship, I highly recommend…

I have made some incredible progress and I am now in an intimate and happy relationship thanks to your help.

Don’t complain about feelings, make requests for actions

Don’t complain about feelings, make requests for actions

Relationships are about love, sex, fun, communication, emergence, transformation.  Whether you travel together for a day or a lifetime, every journey is step by step from this here and now … to this here and now. Communication works best when it is rooted step by step in the here and now. Sometimes the heart invites us to flow with deep currents; still, there is no other moment than now. This post is about keeping communication in the here and now. It is, if you like, a form of relationship meditation or communication mindfulness.

It’s simple and it is useful and it is basic to good communication. The key is grammatically-positive communication. That means that you ask for what you want instead of complaining about what you don’t want.

Far too often, we tell the other person either what we don’t want or don’t like (“I’m not happy about our sex life”, “You spend too much”),  or we ask for vague things like. “I want to feel you want me”, “I want you to respect me.” Mostly this is combined with hurt emotions imported from our own past. Such communication has no root in here-and-now physical life.  At best it goes round in circles. At worst it degenerates into a toxic cycle that can easily sink even a relationship full of love and affection.

This isn’t by any means all there is to intimate communication. But grammatically negative communication is like potholes on a runway, it stops love from flying.

Click here for all “pop songs with truth” posts   ♦   Click here for all relationship and couples posts   ♦    Click here for  all radical meditation posts (more…)

What my clients say

You are really, really a very kind person. Thank you for your effort and advice in helping me!

I was never convinced counselling would work. But your approach and your ability to use different methods to suit individual needs has truly changed me on a deep level.

The very first session I had with him was so helpful and powerful that I recommended him to two other people straightaway.

Andrew works gently and safely and I felt held in a safe space throughout the session.

I have made some major breakthroughs in sessions with you.

I was blown away by your insightful and transformative approach.

A different approach from other therapists I have seen before, so that I have finally solved my problem.

More happened in the first session I had with you than in 4 or 5 sessions with a counsellor.

[Your hypnosis] was remarkably effective and entirely different and tailor-made for my individual needs and experiences. Thank you!!!

Although counselling was new territory for me, it was invaluable and worth every penny.

Had a massive effect on my relationship. Learned loads of really good stuff – surpassed my expectations.

Andrew is one of the best therapists I have ever worked with. If you want to make a breakthrough with an issue in your life or relationship, I highly recommend…

I have made some incredible progress and I am now in an intimate and happy relationship thanks to your help.

That’s meditation?! – La Roux, In For The Kill

That’s meditation?! –  La Roux, In For The Kill

In for the kill
by Elly Jackson (La Roux)

This song doesn’t sound like meditation, it certainly does not. But it is; at least if you get rid of the idea that meditation means sitting quietly still. Instead think of meditation as “choiceless awareness of life”. Then, this is a song with a certain kind of quality of meditation to it.

In any case, this is definitely a “pop song with truth.” That’s simply because the protagonist isn’t singing about needing or getting or losing the other person; she’s singing about herself. She’s celebrating herself even in getting rejected by the other person. That fact in itself makes this different from 99% of pop songs.

Click here for all “pop songs with truth” posts   ♦   Click here for all relationship and couples posts   ♦    Click here for  all radical meditation posts (more…)

What my clients say

You are really, really a very kind person. Thank you for your effort and advice in helping me!

I was never convinced counselling would work. But your approach and your ability to use different methods to suit individual needs has truly changed me on a deep level.

The very first session I had with him was so helpful and powerful that I recommended him to two other people straightaway.

Andrew works gently and safely and I felt held in a safe space throughout the session.

I have made some major breakthroughs in sessions with you.

I was blown away by your insightful and transformative approach.

A different approach from other therapists I have seen before, so that I have finally solved my problem.

More happened in the first session I had with you than in 4 or 5 sessions with a counsellor.

[Your hypnosis] was remarkably effective and entirely different and tailor-made for my individual needs and experiences. Thank you!!!

Although counselling was new territory for me, it was invaluable and worth every penny.

Had a massive effect on my relationship. Learned loads of really good stuff – surpassed my expectations.

Andrew is one of the best therapists I have ever worked with. If you want to make a breakthrough with an issue in your life or relationship, I highly recommend…

I have made some incredible progress and I am now in an intimate and happy relationship thanks to your help.

What my clients say

You are really, really a very kind person. Thank you for your effort and advice in helping me!

I was never convinced counselling would work. But your approach and your ability to use different methods to suit individual needs has truly changed me on a deep level.

The very first session I had with him was so helpful and powerful that I recommended him to two other people straightaway.

Andrew works gently and safely and I felt held in a safe space throughout the session.

I have made some major breakthroughs in sessions with you.

I was blown away by your insightful and transformative approach.

A different approach from other therapists I have seen before, so that I have finally solved my problem.

More happened in the first session I had with you than in 4 or 5 sessions with a counsellor.

[Your hypnosis] was remarkably effective and entirely different and tailor-made for my individual needs and experiences. Thank you!!!

Although counselling was new territory for me, it was invaluable and worth every penny.

Had a massive effect on my relationship. Learned loads of really good stuff – surpassed my expectations.

Andrew is one of the best therapists I have ever worked with. If you want to make a breakthrough with an issue in your life or relationship, I highly recommend…

I have made some incredible progress and I am now in an intimate and happy relationship thanks to your help.

“You Colour Me” by Pocket Universe – deepen your relationship via pop songs

You Colour Me by Pocket Universe – deepen your relationship via pop songs

Here’s a simple exercise to make your relationship deeper.  Listen with your partner to this track (You Color Me by Pocket Universe) – a woman laying it on the line about not being seen straight. Then talk with your beloved about seeing the real person that he or she is, and letting yourself be seen. That’s it, listen and share, and your relating will move a step towards deeper intimacy. 

Click here for all “pop songs with truth” posts   ♦   Click here for all relationship and couples posts   ♦    Click here for  all radical meditation posts
 (more…)

What my clients say

You are really, really a very kind person. Thank you for your effort and advice in helping me!

I was never convinced counselling would work. But your approach and your ability to use different methods to suit individual needs has truly changed me on a deep level.

The very first session I had with him was so helpful and powerful that I recommended him to two other people straightaway.

Andrew works gently and safely and I felt held in a safe space throughout the session.

I have made some major breakthroughs in sessions with you.

I was blown away by your insightful and transformative approach.

A different approach from other therapists I have seen before, so that I have finally solved my problem.

More happened in the first session I had with you than in 4 or 5 sessions with a counsellor.

[Your hypnosis] was remarkably effective and entirely different and tailor-made for my individual needs and experiences. Thank you!!!

Although counselling was new territory for me, it was invaluable and worth every penny.

Had a massive effect on my relationship. Learned loads of really good stuff – surpassed my expectations.

Andrew is one of the best therapists I have ever worked with. If you want to make a breakthrough with an issue in your life or relationship, I highly recommend…

I have made some incredible progress and I am now in an intimate and happy relationship thanks to your help.

“Love, look at the two of us” – deepen your relationship via pop songs

Love, look at the two of us  – deepen your relationship via pop songs

Here’s a fun exercise to make your relationship deeper.  Listen with your partner to “For all we know”, famously covered by the Carpenters. Then talk about it; I’ve also suggested an exercise you could do. That’s it, listen and share, and your relating will move a step towards deeper intimacy.  (More relationship posts /  more  pop songs of truth and love)

I got the idea from some great research by Dr. Ron Rogge that newly-wed couples can halve their divorce rate simply by watching and discussing five movies about everyday relating.  I don’t claim any such dramatic results for this playlist of pop songs. But listen together to these tracks, discuss them together, and you will at the least have a more loving understanding of each other.

Click here for all “pop songs with truth” posts   ♦   Click here for all relationship and couples posts   ♦    Click here for  all radical meditation posts (more…)

What my clients say

You are really, really a very kind person. Thank you for your effort and advice in helping me!

I was never convinced counselling would work. But your approach and your ability to use different methods to suit individual needs has truly changed me on a deep level.

The very first session I had with him was so helpful and powerful that I recommended him to two other people straightaway.

Andrew works gently and safely and I felt held in a safe space throughout the session.

I have made some major breakthroughs in sessions with you.

I was blown away by your insightful and transformative approach.

A different approach from other therapists I have seen before, so that I have finally solved my problem.

More happened in the first session I had with you than in 4 or 5 sessions with a counsellor.

[Your hypnosis] was remarkably effective and entirely different and tailor-made for my individual needs and experiences. Thank you!!!

Although counselling was new territory for me, it was invaluable and worth every penny.

Had a massive effect on my relationship. Learned loads of really good stuff – surpassed my expectations.

Andrew is one of the best therapists I have ever worked with. If you want to make a breakthrough with an issue in your life or relationship, I highly recommend…

I have made some incredible progress and I am now in an intimate and happy relationship thanks to your help.

“Your true colours are beautiful” – deepen your relationship via pop songs

Your true colours are beautiful – deepen your relationship via pop songs

Here’s a fun exercise to make your relationship deeper.  Listen with your partner to Your True Colours are Beautiful by Cindy Lauper, then talk about your true colours; I’ve suggested some topics. That’s it, listen and share, and your relating will move a step towards deeper intimacy.
(more…)

What my clients say

You are really, really a very kind person. Thank you for your effort and advice in helping me!

I was never convinced counselling would work. But your approach and your ability to use different methods to suit individual needs has truly changed me on a deep level.

The very first session I had with him was so helpful and powerful that I recommended him to two other people straightaway.

Andrew works gently and safely and I felt held in a safe space throughout the session.

I have made some major breakthroughs in sessions with you.

I was blown away by your insightful and transformative approach.

A different approach from other therapists I have seen before, so that I have finally solved my problem.

More happened in the first session I had with you than in 4 or 5 sessions with a counsellor.

[Your hypnosis] was remarkably effective and entirely different and tailor-made for my individual needs and experiences. Thank you!!!

Although counselling was new territory for me, it was invaluable and worth every penny.

Had a massive effect on my relationship. Learned loads of really good stuff – surpassed my expectations.

Andrew is one of the best therapists I have ever worked with. If you want to make a breakthrough with an issue in your life or relationship, I highly recommend…

I have made some incredible progress and I am now in an intimate and happy relationship thanks to your help.

A few understandings that help with anger

A few understandings that help with anger

This is a short auxilliary post (a “lemma”, indeed) to the Friday in Heaven, Friday in Hell post on radical non-dual acceptance. It offers a few understandings that help you step out of anger. And to avoid doubt, meditation always needs such understandings. The body-oriented meditation approach makes them much easier to use, it doesn’t replace them.

These refer to the Black Friday example, but you can easily apply them elsewhere.

When you are angry, don’t assume that anger is the main or final emotion. It may be. But until you let your body move freely, with an alert consciousness as to what it happening each moment, it is hard to know what the emotion is. Underneath anger can be pain, fear, all sorts of things. You can’t necessarily take your surface thoughts at face value. As your body moves in anger, all sorts of other things may come up.

Click here for all “pop songs with truth” posts   ♦   Click here for all relationship and couples posts   ♦    Click here for  all radical meditation posts

(more…)

What my clients say

You are really, really a very kind person. Thank you for your effort and advice in helping me!

I was never convinced counselling would work. But your approach and your ability to use different methods to suit individual needs has truly changed me on a deep level.

The very first session I had with him was so helpful and powerful that I recommended him to two other people straightaway.

Andrew works gently and safely and I felt held in a safe space throughout the session.

I have made some major breakthroughs in sessions with you.

I was blown away by your insightful and transformative approach.

A different approach from other therapists I have seen before, so that I have finally solved my problem.

More happened in the first session I had with you than in 4 or 5 sessions with a counsellor.

[Your hypnosis] was remarkably effective and entirely different and tailor-made for my individual needs and experiences. Thank you!!!

Although counselling was new territory for me, it was invaluable and worth every penny.

Had a massive effect on my relationship. Learned loads of really good stuff – surpassed my expectations.

Andrew is one of the best therapists I have ever worked with. If you want to make a breakthrough with an issue in your life or relationship, I highly recommend…

I have made some incredible progress and I am now in an intimate and happy relationship thanks to your help.

If it doesn’t work, DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT

Icon insanity different einsteinIf it doesn’t work, DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT

“If you do what you always did, you’ll get what you always got.” – Anon

“All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

“If it doesn’t work, don’t do it. It if works do it more. If it might work, give it a try.” – Anon

“It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something.” – Franklin D. Roosevelt

OK, you get the message – this post is about trying different things. Particularly it’s about doing what works, not what doesn’t.  Simple, but effective. Obvious, but almost universally overlooked. Do what works for you!  There’s an exercise lower down that page, Moments I’d Like More Of, that I can’t recommend too highly. Not only will it help your relationship a lot. It will immunise you from having to read those silly lists on the internet of “Ten things to improve your relationship.”   You already know this, you just need to trust yourself and do those things more.   [More like this: index page to relationship posts] (more…)

What my clients say

You are really, really a very kind person. Thank you for your effort and advice in helping me!

I was never convinced counselling would work. But your approach and your ability to use different methods to suit individual needs has truly changed me on a deep level.

The very first session I had with him was so helpful and powerful that I recommended him to two other people straightaway.

Andrew works gently and safely and I felt held in a safe space throughout the session.

I have made some major breakthroughs in sessions with you.

I was blown away by your insightful and transformative approach.

A different approach from other therapists I have seen before, so that I have finally solved my problem.

More happened in the first session I had with you than in 4 or 5 sessions with a counsellor.

[Your hypnosis] was remarkably effective and entirely different and tailor-made for my individual needs and experiences. Thank you!!!

Although counselling was new territory for me, it was invaluable and worth every penny.

Had a massive effect on my relationship. Learned loads of really good stuff – surpassed my expectations.

Andrew is one of the best therapists I have ever worked with. If you want to make a breakthrough with an issue in your life or relationship, I highly recommend…

I have made some incredible progress and I am now in an intimate and happy relationship thanks to your help.

Gurdjieff Sacred Dance: meditation, but the very opposite to silent sitting

Gurdjieff Sacred Dance: meditation, but the very opposite to silent sitting

Gurdjieff sacred dances AmiyoToo often, meditation is presented as: sitting in silence, plus mindful daily actions. This is very incomplete. Sitting in silence suits only some newcomers to meditation. The ones it doesn’t suit feel left out or “I tried meditation and it didn’t work for me.” Really, for beginners, sitting in silence is delightful for the part of each person which is quiet / receptive / passive / allowing. Other exercises are every bit as much meditative, but give delight to our active / engaged / expansive / assertive energy. This “male meditation” is sadly neglected. In this post I’m going to present one very beautiful meditation for the active essence. It’s advanced, indeed difficult, and not for all. Please be assured I’ll explain DIY, active+silent meditations very soon which are dead easy.  But this is so beautiful to watch and to write about that I’ve put it first: Gurdjieff Movements, also called Gurdjieff Sacred Dances. For video links see below on this page. [Click here for all meditation posts] (more…)

What my clients say

You are really, really a very kind person. Thank you for your effort and advice in helping me!

I was never convinced counselling would work. But your approach and your ability to use different methods to suit individual needs has truly changed me on a deep level.

The very first session I had with him was so helpful and powerful that I recommended him to two other people straightaway.

Andrew works gently and safely and I felt held in a safe space throughout the session.

I have made some major breakthroughs in sessions with you.

I was blown away by your insightful and transformative approach.

A different approach from other therapists I have seen before, so that I have finally solved my problem.

More happened in the first session I had with you than in 4 or 5 sessions with a counsellor.

[Your hypnosis] was remarkably effective and entirely different and tailor-made for my individual needs and experiences. Thank you!!!

Although counselling was new territory for me, it was invaluable and worth every penny.

Had a massive effect on my relationship. Learned loads of really good stuff – surpassed my expectations.

Andrew is one of the best therapists I have ever worked with. If you want to make a breakthrough with an issue in your life or relationship, I highly recommend…

I have made some incredible progress and I am now in an intimate and happy relationship thanks to your help.

Barefoot stress counsellor: a solution-oriented self-help tool

Be realistic miracle colourThe Barefoot Stress Counsellor: a solution-oriented self-help tool

This is a good self-help technique which is different and effective. Its a series of questions you can ask yourself, based on a research-validated method called solution-oriented therapy.  You can do it on your own, or with a friend. The exercise was originally by Chris Evans of the Brief Therapy Practice in London, but I’ve edited it so much over many years I can no longer be sure where what he wrote ends and mine begins – anyway, BIG thank you Chris.

(Click here for all “pop songs with truth” posts   ♦   Click here for all relationship and couples posts   ♦    Click here for  all radical meditation posts)

(more…)

What my clients say

You are really, really a very kind person. Thank you for your effort and advice in helping me!

I was never convinced counselling would work. But your approach and your ability to use different methods to suit individual needs has truly changed me on a deep level.

The very first session I had with him was so helpful and powerful that I recommended him to two other people straightaway.

Andrew works gently and safely and I felt held in a safe space throughout the session.

I have made some major breakthroughs in sessions with you.

I was blown away by your insightful and transformative approach.

A different approach from other therapists I have seen before, so that I have finally solved my problem.

More happened in the first session I had with you than in 4 or 5 sessions with a counsellor.

[Your hypnosis] was remarkably effective and entirely different and tailor-made for my individual needs and experiences. Thank you!!!

Although counselling was new territory for me, it was invaluable and worth every penny.

Had a massive effect on my relationship. Learned loads of really good stuff – surpassed my expectations.

Andrew is one of the best therapists I have ever worked with. If you want to make a breakthrough with an issue in your life or relationship, I highly recommend…

I have made some incredible progress and I am now in an intimate and happy relationship thanks to your help.

Friday in heaven, Friday from hell: radical non-duality in action

Friday in heaven, Friday from hell: radical non-duality in action

Important note. Beginners to mindfulness meditation traditionally start with 20 minutes a day of mindful breathing. To give a sense of scale, I’m going to call that  “primary school meditation”. On that scale, some parts of this page are postgraduate-level. I’m not suggesting you leap straight from introductory breath awareness to doing what is on this page on your own. In fact, please don’t do that. This post is an artificial example for explanation purposes. I’ll get to simple practical related self-help meditations very soon.

With that out of the way, I’ll invite you to imagine Friday afternoon in two alternate realities, two parallel universes, Friday from heaven, Friday from  hell. I’ll use these scenarios to show you an active-plus-silent, radical meditation approach to anger that’s completely opposite to Buddhism. It’s “radically non-dual”, in the sense that it treats joy and anger exactly the same. It’s a practical, if postgraduate, approach to meditation that many people use and find transformative.

Radically non-dual means: remain the same while moving into opposites. This is what Krishna says in the Gita: In pain or pleasure, be the same; in success or failure, remain the same. Whatsoever happens, let it happen — you remain the same. Instead of life jerking your leash up, down, this way, that way as events unfold you have a centre of integrity, of serenity that you remain in, or quickly recover, as events pass through.

(Click here for all “pop songs with truth” posts   ♦   Click here for all relationship and couples posts   ♦    Click here for  all radical meditation posts)

(more…)

What my clients say

You are really, really a very kind person. Thank you for your effort and advice in helping me!

I was never convinced counselling would work. But your approach and your ability to use different methods to suit individual needs has truly changed me on a deep level.

The very first session I had with him was so helpful and powerful that I recommended him to two other people straightaway.

Andrew works gently and safely and I felt held in a safe space throughout the session.

I have made some major breakthroughs in sessions with you.

I was blown away by your insightful and transformative approach.

A different approach from other therapists I have seen before, so that I have finally solved my problem.

More happened in the first session I had with you than in 4 or 5 sessions with a counsellor.

[Your hypnosis] was remarkably effective and entirely different and tailor-made for my individual needs and experiences. Thank you!!!

Although counselling was new territory for me, it was invaluable and worth every penny.

Had a massive effect on my relationship. Learned loads of really good stuff – surpassed my expectations.

Andrew is one of the best therapists I have ever worked with. If you want to make a breakthrough with an issue in your life or relationship, I highly recommend…

I have made some incredible progress and I am now in an intimate and happy relationship thanks to your help.

Secular mindfulness cannot escape the sacred

Secular mindfulness cannot escape the sacred

I have to say am not a fan of secular mindfulness, aka NHS or evidence-based mindfulness. It claims to capture the good bits of Buddhism, the useful essence, and surgically excise the oriental nonsense. It certainly has value, great value. It introduces people to the practical basics of one  type of meditation in modern language. It presents the element of Buddhism to those who might be put off by its undoubted complexities (my critique of Buddhism today.) In our highly outward-oriented society, it’s indeed a breakthrough that people are being invited to look into themselves, In so far as it goes it is valuable to help people be less depressed, less anxious, cope more resiliently.

But Buddha’s proposition is something far, far more radical. Even at its best, by Buddha’s standards, NHS mindfulness doesn’t go far at all. It cuts out every essential thing that makes Buddha’s proposition, and what I’m calling radical meditation generally, so uniquely valuable. In this post I’m going to focus on one very specific, but to-me central, limitation: secular mindfulness is at war with the miraculous.

Watching a sunset, perhaps the word comes to the mind unbidden: this moment is sacred. Or in a certain moment of making love, the same: this moment is sacred. Yes, these moments truly are sacred, precious glimpses of the mystery of being.

(Click here for all “pop songs with truth” posts   ♦   Click here for all relationship and couples posts   ♦    Click here for  all radical meditation posts)

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What my clients say

You are really, really a very kind person. Thank you for your effort and advice in helping me!

I was never convinced counselling would work. But your approach and your ability to use different methods to suit individual needs has truly changed me on a deep level.

The very first session I had with him was so helpful and powerful that I recommended him to two other people straightaway.

Andrew works gently and safely and I felt held in a safe space throughout the session.

I have made some major breakthroughs in sessions with you.

I was blown away by your insightful and transformative approach.

A different approach from other therapists I have seen before, so that I have finally solved my problem.

More happened in the first session I had with you than in 4 or 5 sessions with a counsellor.

[Your hypnosis] was remarkably effective and entirely different and tailor-made for my individual needs and experiences. Thank you!!!

Although counselling was new territory for me, it was invaluable and worth every penny.

Had a massive effect on my relationship. Learned loads of really good stuff – surpassed my expectations.

Andrew is one of the best therapists I have ever worked with. If you want to make a breakthrough with an issue in your life or relationship, I highly recommend…

I have made some incredible progress and I am now in an intimate and happy relationship thanks to your help.

What makes a school of meditation “radical”?

What makes a school of meditation “radical”?

(A reminder, that “witnessing” and “mindfulness” are two ancient words that mean the same thing. Mindfulness has baggage, so I mostly use “witnessing.” )

We’ve seen a basic definition of meditation, aka mindfulness.  Meditation teachings are very varied. There are many schools of meditation, of which the most famous is Buddhism; then there are many schools of Buddhism. There is also Westernised Buddhist mindfulness, made famous by Jon Kabat-Zinn’s book Full Catastrophe Living. This is a bold attempt to wrest from Buddhism the bits seen as practically useful,  and leave behind what is perceived as oriental esotericism. The recent book Mindfulness by Mark Williams and Danny Penman is a British counterpart, the gold standard in NHS-prescribable Westernised neo-mindfulness. And there are so many other ancient and current schools.

I am using the term “school of radical meditation” to apply to some of all this, but not to all. Gautam Buddha was a very, very radical meditator. I wouldn’t apply that term to all of modern Buddhism.

So what do I mean by radical meditation? How does it relate the the 20 minutes daily sitting meditation that is famously the starting point for beginners?

(Click here for all “pop songs with truth” posts   ♦   Click here for all relationship and couples posts   ♦    Click here for  all radical meditation posts)

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What my clients say

You are really, really a very kind person. Thank you for your effort and advice in helping me!

I was never convinced counselling would work. But your approach and your ability to use different methods to suit individual needs has truly changed me on a deep level.

The very first session I had with him was so helpful and powerful that I recommended him to two other people straightaway.

Andrew works gently and safely and I felt held in a safe space throughout the session.

I have made some major breakthroughs in sessions with you.

I was blown away by your insightful and transformative approach.

A different approach from other therapists I have seen before, so that I have finally solved my problem.

More happened in the first session I had with you than in 4 or 5 sessions with a counsellor.

[Your hypnosis] was remarkably effective and entirely different and tailor-made for my individual needs and experiences. Thank you!!!

Although counselling was new territory for me, it was invaluable and worth every penny.

Had a massive effect on my relationship. Learned loads of really good stuff – surpassed my expectations.

Andrew is one of the best therapists I have ever worked with. If you want to make a breakthrough with an issue in your life or relationship, I highly recommend…

I have made some incredible progress and I am now in an intimate and happy relationship thanks to your help.

Of another era, complex and unalive: a critique of Buddhism today

Of another era, complex and unalive: a critique of Buddhism today

Most critiques of Buddhism are written from a viewpoint that is humanist or anti-religion or science-holds-the-answers. These brief remarks are different in that I have a lifetime of experience of meditation. So unlike many critics, I have every trust in the underlying truth that Buddha pointed his listeners towards. Indeed I have immense respect and reverence for Gautam Buddha: he is a very, very great human being, one of the pillars of human consciousness. I would not dream of criticising Buddha or his teachings. My critique is that Buddha’s teaching belonged in a time long gone and in a place remote and alien. In a different world and 2,500 years later, I do not believe that Buddhism is any longer the best pointer to that same truth.

Be honest: if there was something every bit as good as Buddhism but simpler and more fun, wouldn’t you prefer it?

I’ve spent my whole life all over the world finding by much trial and error  what type of meditation works for me and what doesn’t. Knowing what I’ve learned, I’m heartily glad I didn’t spend those 40 years practising modern Buddhism (still less the logarithmically dilute version espoused by the NHS.) (more…)

What my clients say

You are really, really a very kind person. Thank you for your effort and advice in helping me!

I was never convinced counselling would work. But your approach and your ability to use different methods to suit individual needs has truly changed me on a deep level.

The very first session I had with him was so helpful and powerful that I recommended him to two other people straightaway.

Andrew works gently and safely and I felt held in a safe space throughout the session.

I have made some major breakthroughs in sessions with you.

I was blown away by your insightful and transformative approach.

A different approach from other therapists I have seen before, so that I have finally solved my problem.

More happened in the first session I had with you than in 4 or 5 sessions with a counsellor.

[Your hypnosis] was remarkably effective and entirely different and tailor-made for my individual needs and experiences. Thank you!!!

Although counselling was new territory for me, it was invaluable and worth every penny.

Had a massive effect on my relationship. Learned loads of really good stuff – surpassed my expectations.

Andrew is one of the best therapists I have ever worked with. If you want to make a breakthrough with an issue in your life or relationship, I highly recommend…

I have made some incredible progress and I am now in an intimate and happy relationship thanks to your help.

“Thoughts” includes EVERYTHING

“Thoughts” includes EVERYTHING

I’m lucky to live in one of the most creative and alive cities in the world, Bristol. I’m further blessed to have a wonderful walk from where I live in to my office, along the harbour-side. This morning as I walked in it was raining with the soft rain of a September day that was mild and warm, yet carried the inescapable news of autumn . And what was I doing as I walked?  I was thinking of this post and what to say in it! What a waste of a beautiful morning.

Such random attention to other times and places is just useless junk-thinking. Ubiquitous, universal; useless. Much of what people think of as “meditation” is calming down this useless mentalising. This is often easy, by attending to here-and-now body experiences and sights and sounds, or by classic sitting meditation.

But the radical meditation definition of thought is very wide. EVERYTHING is a thought. And radical meditation confronts, befriends, and changes your relationship with every single one of them. Just a sketch list of for-examples:-

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What my clients say

You are really, really a very kind person. Thank you for your effort and advice in helping me!

I was never convinced counselling would work. But your approach and your ability to use different methods to suit individual needs has truly changed me on a deep level.

The very first session I had with him was so helpful and powerful that I recommended him to two other people straightaway.

Andrew works gently and safely and I felt held in a safe space throughout the session.

I have made some major breakthroughs in sessions with you.

I was blown away by your insightful and transformative approach.

A different approach from other therapists I have seen before, so that I have finally solved my problem.

More happened in the first session I had with you than in 4 or 5 sessions with a counsellor.

[Your hypnosis] was remarkably effective and entirely different and tailor-made for my individual needs and experiences. Thank you!!!

Although counselling was new territory for me, it was invaluable and worth every penny.

Had a massive effect on my relationship. Learned loads of really good stuff – surpassed my expectations.

Andrew is one of the best therapists I have ever worked with. If you want to make a breakthrough with an issue in your life or relationship, I highly recommend…

I have made some incredible progress and I am now in an intimate and happy relationship thanks to your help.

What is “radical meditation”? (1) The Song of Ashtavakra

What is “radical meditation”? – (1) The Song of Ashtavakra

What I am calling “radical meditation” rests on the basis there is no self – that the “I” that we think we are, just does not exist. There is no-one doing our lives. But we think to ourselves “Of course ‘I’ exist.” And we dismiss it all as too remote and too niche; as esoteric and religious; as “contrary to science”; as a mad, bad idea dangerous to mental health.  So what I ought to do is to give a careful, helpful explanation of what no-self and no-doer means, and make the incomprehensible comprehensible. Instead, in this post I’m going to do the very opposite.

I’m going to present to you  (for now, other things later) one of the most hard to understand, terse, compressed descriptions of no-self and radical meditation, The Song of Ashtavakra.

(Click here for all “pop songs with truth” posts   ♦   Click here for all relationship and couples posts   ♦    Click here for  all radical meditation posts)

(more…)

What my clients say

You are really, really a very kind person. Thank you for your effort and advice in helping me!

I was never convinced counselling would work. But your approach and your ability to use different methods to suit individual needs has truly changed me on a deep level.

The very first session I had with him was so helpful and powerful that I recommended him to two other people straightaway.

Andrew works gently and safely and I felt held in a safe space throughout the session.

I have made some major breakthroughs in sessions with you.

I was blown away by your insightful and transformative approach.

A different approach from other therapists I have seen before, so that I have finally solved my problem.

More happened in the first session I had with you than in 4 or 5 sessions with a counsellor.

[Your hypnosis] was remarkably effective and entirely different and tailor-made for my individual needs and experiences. Thank you!!!

Although counselling was new territory for me, it was invaluable and worth every penny.

Had a massive effect on my relationship. Learned loads of really good stuff – surpassed my expectations.

Andrew is one of the best therapists I have ever worked with. If you want to make a breakthrough with an issue in your life or relationship, I highly recommend…

I have made some incredible progress and I am now in an intimate and happy relationship thanks to your help.